by A#minor » November 14th, 2005, 10:05 pm
Support group? Did someone say support group?
Tolkien Addicts Anonymous
Transcript:
Person: "Hi, my name is Your Name Here, and I'm a Tolkien-holic."
Group: "Welcome, Your Name Here!"
Person: "I'd just like to say that I have not watched the LOTR movies for 1 week!"
Group: "Good for you! That's the ticket! Keep it up!"
Person: "But I did read the Father Christmas Letters last night."
Group: "Awww.... too bad."
*someone whispers aside*: "Poor guy, he can't help it. It's a disease."
Therapist: "Well, you are making progress, Your Name Here. Now tell us about this past week - did you go shopping?"
Person: "Yes. Ummm.... well..... I tried! I really did! I'm sorry."
Therapist: "Why don't you tell the group what happened?"
Person: "Alright, I admit it. I..... I bought another copy of The Silmarillion. I couldn't help it! It was an edition that I don't have, and it was on sale! Oh, I'm hopeless."
Group: "Don't say that! Nobody's hopeless."
Therapist: "Now, Your Name Here, what do we say when we've regressed back into our Tolkien tendencies?"
Person *mumbles*: "I am not an elf, hobbit, ent, wizard, or dwarf. I live in the real world; not in Middle-earth. Tolkien is not a god; he is merely a man..."
*Someone interrupts*: "He was a genius! A genius, I tell you!"
Therapist: "Now, Joe! What have I said about interrupting? You need to let go of these disruptive behaviour patterns. Let's change the subject. Your Name Here, why don't you tell us how your weekend went?
Person: Well, I had my family over for dinner on my birthday.
Therapist: And how did that go?
Person: It was great! My family got me wonderful presents! I got a new LOTR chess set, and a holographic ring projector, and an elven sword, and an Arwen Evenstar Jewel Necklace...
Group *talking at once*: (1)Which chess set did you get? The one where Gandalf is king and all the pawns are Sam?
(2)I used to have a holographic ring projector but it broke.
(3)I love Arwen! She's my favorite character! I dressed up as her at my LOTR Premiere costume party.
(4)Did you get a LOTR cake though? I had one on my birthday with little Sam and Frodo figurines climbing up a red icing Mount Doom.
(5)Which blade did you get? I have Orcrist and Sting at home.
Therapist: Now hold on! You can't talk about that Tolkien stuff!
Group *ignoring Therapist*: What was your favorite part of the movies? I can't believe the way PJ changed Faramir into a bad guy. I was appalled when I found out that they left Tom Bombadil out.
Wasn't that scene in Lothlorien in the Extended Edition?.......
*Therapist gives up and walks out*
"My brain and this world don't fit each other, and there's an end of it!" - G.K. Chesterton