Into the Wardrobe

Yes, it was in Surprised by Joy that Lewis described his experience of what he called joy.

I find it very significant that Lewis took the title of his autobiography from Wordsworth's poem:

Surprised by Joy
by William Wordsworth

Surprised by joy—impatient as the Wind
I turned to share the transport—Oh! with whom
But Thee, deep buried in the silent tomb,
That spot which no vicissitude can find?
Love, faithful love, recalled thee to my mind—
But how could I forget thee? Through what power,
Even for the least division of an hour,
Have I been so beguiled as to be blind
To my most grievous loss?—That thought’s return
Was the worst pang that sorrow ever bore,
Save one, one only, when I stood forlorn,
Knowing my heart’s best treasure was no more;
That neither present time, not years unborn
Could to my sight that heavenly face restore.

I have to think that Lewis is referring to his most grievous loss, the death of his mother.

How extraordinary, then, the depth of his conversion, that he can write this poem to his wife on heer deathbed:

As the Ruin Falls
by C. S. Lewis

All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through:
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.
Peace, re-assurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin:
I talk of love—a scholar’s parrot may talk Greek—
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.
Only that now you have taught me (but how late) my lack.
I see the chasm. And everything you are was making
My heart into a bridge by which I might get back
From exile, and grow man. And now the bridge is breaking.
For this I bless you as the ruin falls. The pains
You give me are more precious than all other gains.

Many thanks, Mr. Ford, for the poetry! I had no idea that the title was from
Wordsworth. I copied them both down in my quote book.
And where did you find Lewis' poem about his wife? That's not in A Grief Observed, is it?

Lewis's poem is from Poems, edited by Walter Hooper.