Hello all,
For most of my Christian life, I have been struggling with a skewed notion of what God is like. I have a tendency to think that God is out to make my life difficult and unpleasant, and that He wants me to do things that I don't particularly enjoy doing (I'm not talking about things like commandments I should follow but don't want to, but life choices that God generally leaves to people to make on their own, like where to live, what school to go to, etc.).
Example: I've been wanting a job at Store X, but they haven't called me back yet, even though I've been trying very hard. I start thinking that I'm just meant to work at Store Y, which I hate. I also feel bad about even WANTING to work there. God doesn't want to me to work at Store X, where there is a better environment and I would be happier. I get confused about what God WANTS me to want. It all becomes a convoluted mess in my head.
I know that the solution really is to continue to study who God really is and what His characteristics are. I know that I should not feel guilty because of what He has already done. But this mentality feels so ingrained in me...it's so hard to not analyze all my life situations and try to connect it to God's thoughts towards me and what He wants me to do. Does anybody have any words for me on this?