by watcher » January 5th, 2007, 4:22 pm
My spleen? Oh, c'mon. We all grew up with these kind of people. Their character is just utterly predictable. Even their physical character types are textbook. The point about the Usenet Newsgroup wasn't whether that's where they meet now - its that they were the type of people who would have met there, in the first place. Cognitive dissonance is a sword that cuts both ways. There are all things about ourselves which bring us, our families, our neighbors, and our God great disappointment. We are not what we would want to be, to paraphrase St. Paul. If anything, "geeks," "losers," "dorks" are better off. Their hopes, aspirations, defeats and social disappointments are occasions for brutal self-honesty and examination. The ones who are in for the worst surprise are the Bright People, whom the world lulls with its complicity in their spiritual destruction. For them, the most evident corrective action comes in the words of the Lord in the final judgement - "step to the left, please. Next."
What is tragic is when people fail to confront their disappointments, resorting to escapist explanations. I'm sure none of these people like to admit the issues they confront - they want to pretend that their lives match their expectations, that there is no incentive to escape the obvious conclusion and confront the issues that need resolution. I am positive that if you gave me a face book of this community you describe, I would read "geek," "geek," "geek" . . . it's just too obvious. Nobody's Chairman of the Board in a big company. Nobody's a great novelist. Nobody was cheerleading team captain. There are no Chief Medical Officers. No great athletes. There is escapism, and that from a rather obvious set of answers.
Now, that brutal reality being confronted, here's the escape I would offer. The world is cruel, and it is a mark of modernity (a particularly vapid form expressed in America) to expect and enforce conformity. There is one acceptable character type. Success is often predicated on sexual conquest and banter, rather than meaningful relationships and thoughtful discussion. We do not, as a culture, "make room" for different types of people. We hold out an expectation - there is one path possible, those who make it are successes, those who don't are failures. And, tragically, because they are judged so, they become so. They are not given an opportunity to flourish with the gifts they were given.
I had a unique opportunity. I went to a very peculiar college for my undergrad. There were a few people in my class that were really strange. In the first week, I thought "oh man, these guys will either have to bury themselves, or be eaten alive." Interestingly enough, now that I think about it, one had huge ears, scraggly facial hair, and shovel-form incisors. Hooowwwwwwl. Because of the peculiar nature of this institution, and the fact that, to a certain extent, it stands outside of time and place, something remarkable happened. Over time, these people were warmly welcomed into the community. They flourished, even in a bizarre form of leadership. One was, without a doubt, the greatest mathematician the school had ever encountered. He was also a remarkably talented philosopher. Sure, he was annoying, kind of smelly, funny to look at, and spoke with a strange speech modulation. But we loved him, and needed him in the community. It would have been a painful loss, in retrospect, had he not been there. He went on to complete a PhD in Europe, and is now a monk - I expect he will end up at the Vatican as an accomplished theologian. Another case was a very obnoxious young man - had skipped a couple of grades, and was going into college at 15 or 16. Looked kind of like a garden gnome, tried to laugh like Santa Claus - was completely inept, socially. Turned out to have the most remarkable memory for history, and a remarkable nose for good wine. I saw him holding court the night before a history final, reviewing the complete detail, as well as the connection between events, from Herodotus and Theucydides (the original works, not a textbook). He had no notes - this was entirely from memory. I later discovered this review lasted nearly 8 hours. Over time, we got over the social sticking points, and he was embraced as a key member of the community. He is now a diocesan priest, and his bishop says great things about him. A third case - a heavy-set, plain girl from the South, very, very shy. Absolutely refused to participate in class discussions, and when she was forced to respond by the professor with an analysis (her answers were always insightful and correct), it was barely above a whisper. We fell in love with her, and the contest was to force her out of her shell to disclose those things that brought her pleasure in life so we could see her beautiful smile. Elvis and BBQ. And she was delighted when I addressed her formally - "Miss . . ." I once called her by her Christian name. I will never forget the look of sadness that came over her face. She left to join a Cloister as a contemplative sister, so I can never ask forgiveness in person. I still get choked up when I remember that look. I should not have been so crude as to force the familiarity of a first name. She was far too fragile and delicate . . . and it brought her so much pleasure to be addressed in the southern manner. I pray she will forgive this trespass.
My point is not that all "social outcasts" in fact have religious vocations. Nor are all religious drawn from this class of "social outcasts." These examples were somewhat coincidental. You spoke of this community living with more purpose, having more empathy, feeling a vague social discomfort. In other times, in other cultures, these people could flourish in their differences. In a Catholic community, we also perceive intense spiritual power in these people, and their talents are illuminated in the service to the Church. I expect many people in the modern world do not find a similar outlet - they find themselves shunned, put down, forced to cluster into little groups of like-minded people rather than truly integrating with the broader community. In my experience, these people did not "find" one another and identify themselves through their difference. We had the chance to find them, to maybe understand a little better the light that emanated from their extraordinary souls.
So, my SPLEEN is an exhibition of my anger at what we (sure, people like me) do to people who don't fit in. We force them underground. We force them to identify with only one another. We force them, in their desperation, to see out an alternate answer, no matter how improbable. We force them to invent lies about themselves, just to preserve their sanity and spiritual dignity. And yes, I do not believe anything you assert. These people are not well-balanced. They suffer, and do not have the strength to admit it. I can't blame them for their weakness - the pressure of the world is too much for anyone to bear without hope or help. But they're not going to get anywhere by creating myths about themselves. It is horrifying - like looking at the mangled remains of an animal on the road struggling to stand up again. Adults who cannot confront their conditions, flying to childish fantasies. There is a better way - the truth will hurt, but the remedy will bring true rest. That nagging demon on the shoulder always whispering in their ear need not be.
I do not claim that things do not exist simply because I have not seen them - fairies could be running all around my back yard, for all I know, and that's their business. But when I do see something, I'm not going to go around denying it. I see lives of people looking for escape - for an alternate explanation. Show me someone transformed into a foaming hound, and I'll change my mind. I think we all know what we're really dealing with.
Until then, grrrrrowwwwwwwwllllllllurrrrrrruuuuuuuuggggggggghhhhhhglopblop
